December 16, 2020

So you’re engaged! Congratulations! Amidst the bliss of engagement celebrations with friends and family, you may be wondering: …What am I supposed to do now? Plan a wedding? (Never done that before) Decide on a date? Pick a venue? Pick friends to stand up? Pick colors? What about what my family thinks?….

I’ve been there, and here’s what I think: Planning a wedding can be a bit too much sometimes.

If feelings of anxiety and even full-blown dread begin filling your body, hear this: It’s totally okay to be anxious and realize you’re not sure what you even want when it comes to a wedding. It’s normal to feel this way. I felt this way. Many of my friends and my clients, have been open about feeling this way. We all, at some point or other, feel the wedding planning dreads.

As a previously-engaged (now married) person that works in the wedding industry and deals with engaged couples for a living, I want to let you in on the first two things you should do while newly engaged. Just a disclaimer: These aren’t universal “must-do’s” — this is entirely my opinion, based on my experience. I really hope you find it enlightening and helpful!

1) FIRST AND FOREMOST, ENJOY THIS TIME TOGETHER

Avoid jumping right into wedding planning. Engagement is its own happy chapter. You, and the person you love more than anything in the world, have made your fate together official! Nothing in the world can squander those fuzzy feelings of gratitude and happiness quicker than prematurely inviting the stress of wedding planning into that space. Take at least a few weeks to just enjoy the fact that you’ve committed to each other before bringing that stress front and center in your lives (money, family expectations, guest list, booking vendors, lining up dates for everything, to name just a few potential stressors).

2) DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF A WEDDING BEFORE YOU START PLANNING IT

The typical way of celebrating a wedding these days (I’m leaving covid-19 out of the picture here) — big guest list, plated meal, traditional venue & vendor line up with a dance party afterward — may or may not suit you, as a couple. If it does or it doesn’t, it’s okay either way. But before jumping straight into the details, you should sit down together and decide what it is about your love story that you want to highlight.

A way to define your love story is to ask yourselves specific questions, being sure to answer truthfully and not in the context of wedding planning:

How and where did you meet?

What do you love doing together?

What place or type of place is special to the two of you?

What kinds of food & drinks do you enjoy the most together?

What are your favorite things to do with friends and family? (there could be lots of answers, depending on the groups of people)

What kind of music or games/entertainment do you most enjoy together?

Do you have a religious organization you attend or spiritual rituals you practice together?

This list of questions is not exhaustive. You can go much deeper than this! When my husband and I asked these questions of ourselves during our engagement, we ended up with, what we realized later on, was a blueprint for our wedding plan. We ended up getting married at Kin Loch Farmstead, a place that is dearly special to us (I grow my flower farm there), we served tacos and donuts (our favorites), we curated our entire playlist and hired musicians to play specific ceremony music (music is incredibly important to us) and we strove to have a beautiful wedding with lavish floral that still had a comfortable hang-out vibe. We achieved that feeling because we were both on the same page from day one!

I hope this gives you a place to jump start your wedding planning journey and help you find excitement where anxiety may be creeping in. Just remember to stick to what serves you as a couple, and what you’re most comfortable with. Everything will work itself out!

Read our other wedding-related posts: On Choosing Your Wedding Florist

peace, love & plant magic,

Fran Parrish