I can’t remember the exact moment when I decided I wanted to be a flower farmer but it happened somewhere in Downtown Chicago between the Clark/Lake Blue Line and the Wrigley Building. It was like the brightest light ever turned on in my brain and a warm blanket covered my whole body and my face got super tingly and that was it. It was just another commute through the city to my office job on a cold, wet March morning. And for the first time in a long time I felt ecstatic hope over finally figuring out what I want to do with my life.
The months leading up to this moment were miserable for me, I can’t deny that. Working downtown was not my favorite. I was going through the motions of a workplace to collect a paycheck yet I felt torn because the relationships I was forming with these people would have led me to great success down this path. The problem was, I wasn’t doing what I love, which is growing plants and helping others gain connection and appreciation for the natural world.
Sometimes we have to be pushed so far out of our element to realize where it is we truly belong.
I’m eternally blessed to have found the most supportive partner I could ever ask for. Jesse is the most patient, loving, gracious human being I know and when I told him I need to get the fuck out of here and be a farmer again he was like, Let’s do it babe! We’ve got nothing to lose.
So we made motions to move to Jesse’s home city of Buffalo, New York. Why in gods name would we move to Buffalo, asks every person ever. Reasons: Jesse wants to be closer to family. I want accessible and affordable land for a farm. It’s a seemingly good area for a farmer-florist business. The cost of living is already lower and we’re not even there yet.
Just this past weekend we both said goodbye to our city that brought us together – Chicago. We both moved here for other people, left those people, found each other, made new friends, had a freaking BLAST together. Pieces of us have been left behind but we are forging the river and will forever hold our sweet home Chicago in our hearts.
When you know you’re about to leave a place, you become acutely mindful. There were things about my neighborhood, the streets, and my house, that I had never noticed until my last week living there. I will take my own advice on this one and try to see the sweetest side of everything more often.
And that job that pushed me so far out? I cried for a week prior to quitting, everyday, to and from the train. I cried while I quit. I sobbed on the way home while carrying a box of presents from all my colleagues, second guessing whether I just made the worst decision of my entire life and if I should run back. Choosing to leave and say goodbye to my friends and work family at DMA was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My heart hurts saying goodbye to not only people that I love, but work that “needed” me. I need to be needed. This will be something I struggle with in running my own business, I know that already.
So I’m onto new things now. Our house we’re renting in Buffalo has a decently large vacant lot directly next to it, full sun, so I’m putting handfuls of hope eggs in a big hope basket that this will be my starter flower farm. It really all seems too good to be true, but I accept the goodness with a wide open heart.
Very soon I have to go out into a city I’m not that familiar with and meet a bunch of people and make business connections. I have to set up and fund an urban farm and produce flowers. I have to somehow sell those flowers. I have to somehow make money doing this cause remember, I decided to quit my job and create a whole new one for myself (goddamn it fran). I have to somehow learn the ins and outs of wedding floristry. I have to redo my whole website. I have to keep my business idea ADHD in check. I could go on.
Regardless of all the unknowns and the gigantic learning curve I’m about to face, I’m confident I will produce beautiful work and that I will have so much fun doing it! Sometimes we just have to do things in life without knowing the outcome. If you don’t put yourself out there and truly do you, that’s okay. But if you’re sitting at your desk day after day, heartstrings being pulled by some invisible force, you might wanna try. Wish me luck.